I've taken stock of my current bum status, and in a rare, contemplative moment came up with some AMBITIOUS SCHEMES FOR THE NEAR FUTURE:


WRITE! Anything and everything. Actually, a few short stories would do, preferably some that are decent enough to be sent to a magazine and hopefully get published (and get money! though not that much). Also, some decent stories to avoid cramming when the workshop season comes around--try to avoid what happened last time when I spewed out horrid stories. (but I passed the workshop. whatever). I intend to join workshops for learning and writing experiences, though technically everyday life is just that, a learning and writing experience. But then again, you never know when you'll learn something new.

LEARN HOW TO MAKE SIM SKINS AND MESHES! I've been itching to get on with this for ages, but several things stop me from getting on with this project: 1. I don't have a decent photoshop program 2. I don't have a decent paint program 3. My mouse sucks (I mean really sucks--it double clicks for no apparent reason) 4. I have no scanner whatsoever (ok, not such a big hurdle, you don't really, really need this, but still...) and 5. I still don't have all the sim expansion packs. So there.

GET ON WITH MY WORLD CONSTRUCTION PROJECT! i did say ambitious, didn't I? I intend to do a Tolkien and create an entire world as a backdrop for this fantasy story that's been brewing in my head for ages. This is actually really, really tough, as seen from the following points that have been skidaddling in my head:
*why even write fantasy when there are enough problems in the real world from which you can derive stories? Well, penchance for fantasy stories--what people term escapism--isn't exactly escapism at all. At the root of escapism lies the need to understand the world you move in. The greatest fantasy writers know and realize this--one reads (and writes) not to escape, but to find the real world. Plus fantasy gives you relatively more freedom--you can have the existence of magic just by using an ingenious presupposition. But I say reasonably because, for example, you can't have five suns and not expect the laws of your physical world to alter or something. Fantasy allows one to play with various scenarios that may not occur in our world. Plus fantasy is that--fantasy. It's fun and exciting and all that.
*fantasy by a Filipino does not have a Filipino audience. Shut up, it's quite true. Okay, maybe a very small percentage of the populace would be bothered to read fantasy, if at all. Maybe if it's in graphic novel format (comics), it'll have more potential to get an audience (i am therefore considering making it a graphic novel, but the thought of writing a script this massive is too daunting, and I have to find an artist, yadayada...).
*the language issue. Ahh, the problem of bilingual writers everywhere. As Tessie-Bear said, language is politics. (and this also addresses the readership problem). but can you imagine a fantasy novel in Filipino? I thought not. But i'd like to think I'd solve this problem by making Filipino, specifically Tagalog, as the basis for my invented language in my invented world. Probably not enough to speak or write wholly in an invented language, but enough to give a uniform sound and feel to names (of people, plants, places, concepts,etc.) within the story. Very Tolkien-like. Which reminds me, I must get some of his other works. He was a philological genius (?) and inventing languages was his thing, so, I could really learn a lot from him.
*what does this say about being a third-world, colored woman writer who should be tackling more important themes? Oh, but who says I won't tackle such themes as rascism, sexism, neocolonialism, and post-colonialism in fantasy stories? I will, and perhaps more effectively. You can create a situation that can show your point more freely. Most fantasy writers ignore this, but I'm glad Ursula Le Guin touches on such themes in her Earth Sea Cycle and in her other works.
*the story itself. Of course not everything that i will put in my constructed world will be explicitly stated in the story itself. I've found that effective fantasy writing treats the background of the story as just that--background. Refer to the world and cultures within it without exoticizing or sensationalizing; treat them as if they were natural and part of the known universe, but at the same time not muddling or alienating the reader from the work. Pretty tall order for a writer, but with a little squeezing and prodding of my brain cells i think i can manage it. As for my story, specifically, I had a short story that is a kind of prelude to it (I lost it when my computer crashed--all I have left are 3 pages), a comic book script that handles part of the first chapter, and several story fragments not necessary to the story itself but rather takes place in that world. Actually if I can manage it I could write stories set in that world and pass them to workshops. But most workshops aren't into that thing. And I don't know any magazines that'll publish that genre in the Philippines. Well, moving on...

SIM-ULATE CHARACTERS FROM AFOREMENTIONED WORLD! Kind of combines the previous two ambitious schemes. I just thought, "Wouldn't it be fun to create Sim characters that dressed in the manner that my characters in my invented world dressed?" I would base clothes from the clothes of some indigenous tribes in my country, maybe have a distinct style of architecture, as well. I can make an entire Sim neighborhood populated by such characters. Hah. This means character design and all that. Loads of problems and hurdles, i.e. see previous two entries.

READ! I have about a ton of books that I desperately want, but i already have a whole bunch of books festering around, unhappily unread. Most of which seem depressing, and I'm already depressed, so I'll end up more depressed than ever if i read them. But then when is the best time to read depressing books? I should just shut my complaining trap and read. So my ambitious scheme? Read all the books listed on the left (see "Books to Read while Bumming") before I start my MA.

GO BACK TO SCHOOL! AND MAYBE TEACH. Well, no use avoiding that career path. As I've said many times before, working in the corporate world has made teaching a desirable job, even if it doesn't pay all that much. If I was in for pay, I'd be in a call center, goddammit! I can't afford to do that, it dries up the brain too much. So teach it is, stay in the academe where one can stay sane but even if one does go insane it wouldn't matter anyway.


So there. Having it all out in black and white (in this blog's case in blueberry blue and cream cheese yellow) makes me shudder. Shyet, ambisyosa!

A hot dog, my kingdom for a hot dog!
"For the last few days I've been craving hot dogs. Hot dogs--a bland sausage on a white bun, a ribbon of yellow mustard scribbled down it. When you bite, there's the pillowy give of the bun, the mild sting of mustard,the tiny resistance as your teeth break through the hot dog's skin, sink through the grainless meat, and then the lovely gooey chew of bread and mustard and pork."
-Into the Forest by Jean Hegland, p.52

Foot long hot dogs are the 'tipid' food around UP these days. Back when we were having STS, Gem and I would eat chicken balls and calamansi soda to save money. But hot dogs are the rave now. They're pretty cheap, only thirty bucks, and you could actually share it with someone. Loads of stuff on it too-- cabbage, pickles, hot sauce, ketchup, mayonaise, mustard--the works! I haven't attempted eating an entire foot long myself, I always end up sharing it with someone, like, yesterday, I gave half to Dell, as a thank you for giving me a lesbian novel (which I'm not gonna read anytime soon...its too depressing).
***
FREELOADER!!!
I did a favor for my friend yesterday night, braving the rains and the horrid traffic--because Wendy's Pasig was burning at around 530 pm, a stove exploded or something. No one was hurt, and thank God my friends Memey and Janelle were eating at McDo and not at Wendy's--anyway, it was one of those things that you do for your friends, but if they were really your friends they wouldn't subject you to it. So I used up the last of my money (all the 25 centavo coins lurking on my mother's altar of saints). Good thing I have such great, employed friends who have money and treated me to sisiglog (sisig at itlog) because we were all so completely famished by 10 pm. Thanks to Janelle and Memey, they make freeloading guilt-free. Well, almost. If--I mean, when, I get a job, i'll buy you footlong hot dogs with all the works! ^_^
Well, so now I'm broke. As in completely. I can't join the GRAIL lunch thingy today. I can't freeload my way on that, the GRAIL gang is great but unemployed, meaning they don't have money either. Plus I think I have to go to the hospital to see my aunt, who just had an operation. How I intend to go to Makati Med without any money is anybody's guess. Mayhap there are more 25 centavo coins in Sto. Nino's little green and gold embroidered bag...

A Bloody Mary a day keeps them doctors away...
I'm sick.
Well, yes of course I'm sick, but I mean I'm sick sick. I've a head cold. Is that what it's called? When you know you're going to have a cold but you're not dripping snot all over the place? Whatever. I just don't feel well.
My mom bought tomato juice and has been pestering me to drink it, since a glass "contains the daily reccommended dietary allowance of vitamin c."
I'm not a fan of vegetable juices (although tomatoes are technically, both fruits and vegetables)--they just dont taste...right. Downright eeky for one such as I, having been weaned on powdered orange juice all my life (I don't know why, but guyabano and pomelo juice just have this lingering gin aftertaste, even if they aren't spiked.)
So what do I do?
I can't disobey my mom, good daughter that I am. So I just made a Bloody Mary!
But it sucked. I used peach flavored vodka....what? WHAT? We don't have any other at home, okay? Gees. So I was drinking a slightly chilled Bloody Mary that smelled like peach and tasted like diluted spaghetti sauce.
But wonders of wonders my fever is gone, though i still feel a bit under the weather. I'll be fine tomorrow, I hope. I need to go back to the university to get my transcripts and hound former professors to get recommendations.
Yes, I'm applying for an MA in CL next semester.